The White Witch was surrounded by the forces of Good of Narnia.
“Your reign of evil is over!”
Roared mighty Aslan.
“Cor Aslan you truly are my favourite crude lion based representation of Jesus.”
Simpered Lucy.
“Enough talking lets chop off her head in the name of a loving Christian God!”
Shouted Peter exitedly.
“Then we can blow up a horrible abortionist.”
Squealed Edmund blood thirstilly.
“Hold on for just a moment oh sons and daughters of Adam there’s some one you might want to speak to first..”
Said the White Witch
And a dark cloaked figure approached. It threw back it’s hood.
“Yikes it’s the evil wizard Ron the Tosser! Lord of stories.”
Cried Aslan in genuine terror.
“I can’t believe you’re trying to deligitimise the legitimate ruler of Narnia and her people.”
Said the wizard Ron sadly.
“Delegitimisation what’s that?”
Asked Edmund.
“It’s when a country is attacked by a loose coalition of fellow travellers, usually a combination of socialists and fundamentalists. Through a process of economic sanctions, protest and criticism via international bodies such as the UN attack a country or institution. Till it has been so delegitimised it can no longer function.”
Said Ron helpfully.
“Wow, it’s like terrorism but no one gets killed and it looks just like legitimate political protest.”
Said Peter shocked.
“That’s why it’s so evil. It’s like an antisemitic conspiracy in reverse, where all those nasty lefties get together and are thoroughly beastly.”
Said Lucy shamefaced.
“It’s all in my book “The Protocols of the elders of antizionism.”
Said Ron triumphant.
“But how does this apply to the White Witch? She turns people into stone, makes it snow and leads an army of evil.”
Protested Edward.
“That’s just propaganda by the christian, lion, 1940s school children lobby. You’ll find they read the Guardian and eat muesli. Frankly I have a report showing that no animal was turned to stone in contravention of the UN mandate on evil magic and no one complains that Iran has nuclear power that’s far worse than a magical winter.”
Said Ron sternly.
“But can’t we all just agree that turning people to stone and sacrificing poor Aslan to the dark Gods is a bad thing?”
Quibbled Peter weakly.
“No you can’t! It’s racist and a conspiracy.”
Snapped the wizard Ron.
“Sorry”
Said the children as they slunk off to the wardrobe. Aslan slowly wandered into the snow to write another letter to Amnesty International about the cruelty of an enforced permanent winter. Knowing full well that the proWhite Witch lobby in the UN would scupper it.
“Hoorah! Now to go and build a wall for the Dark Lord Sauron around Hobbiton. It’s always been historically part of Mordor.”
Cried the wicked wizard Ron the Tosser as he flew off on his magical high horse. Ready to fight the wicked delegitimisation monster where ever it might next turn up.
Fairytales are daft aren’t they?
