I think most couples have a list of exceptions to the no-cheating rule, you know, film stars, hot identical twins, sports stars etc. The joy of it is that they are completely unobtainable but make you feel like maybe it could happen.

My last relationship came to a heart torturing end when the boy went off to perform in the Thursford Christmas Spectacular – a spectacularly hideous Christmas-fest in a big barn with scary flying animals and more blue rinses than the average morgue. So before the temporarily life destroying news had been delivered to me, I went to Thursford (a horrible pub-free zone in Norfolk and no, I’m not just biased, it really is rubbish) to visit. Good girlfriend. I see the show which includes about a hundred dancers running around giving people heart attacks dressed as the pink panther, and then afterwards I hit the bar, empty except for cast because the old people and children who see this thing don’t drink anything but tea and squash. I sit myself down with a whiskey (medicinal) and wait. In he comes, sweating, arm in arm with two of the most amazing looking dancers I have ever seen, and says ‘Hey babe, meet the twins’. Joy. ‘Oh, hi! Wow! Are you identical?!’ ‘Yep. Wow, I love your outfit’ (hey say in twin style unison). Then, giggling in an extremely cute way extend their hands to shake mine, very hard not to like them. Boo.

More recently (yesterday) the new (annoyingly talented and good looking (please don’t tell him this if you ever meet him)) boy is filming a small role in the new Sherlock Holmes film. So last night I meet Graham and Kenny from LCW and excitedly tell them the news. ‘Yea, I just got a text, apparently Rachel McAdams is really friendly and he’s doing his scene with her and she’s she star of the film’. Kenny says, ‘Who even is she?’ and, in his geekily proud of his phone way, audio searches her on google. ‘Oh my god. Is she the ‘Mean Girls woman’. ‘Yep’. ‘She is totally on my list! The jammy bastard!’. Boo.

So the moral of the story is get yourself an ugly boring banker boyfriend who works all the hours god sends and has neither the looks, time or charisma to meet anyone on his list. And then concentrate on finding people on your list.