Monday
AM. Christ, yet another week – when will January ever end!? It’s the bleakest month on the calendar. Everyone is either broke, fat or freezing and usually all three. Even having a wedding to organise can’t take the sting out of a January Monday, although at least the sight of Hector in skinny jeans has given me something to laugh about.
PM. Think I’ll start up a new blog and call it, ‘You Know You’re Avoiding Work When…’. Today’s entry: ‘…you try to fit 10 marshmallows into a mug of hot chocolate, and succeed.’
Tuesday
AM. You know you’re avoiding work when… you Google ‘webbed toes’.
PM. Hector still swanning around the office in skinny jeans – the most ridiculous thing that I’ve ever seen. Christ, men have moaned about us in leggings for decades. Hector reckons I’m just jealous because he has lovely long thin pins while I have stubs and an arse the size of Canada.
Wednesday
AM. You know you’re avoiding work when… you consult an atlas to see which country your arse most resembles. Actually, at the moment, it probably is Canada.
PM. Have done an office wide poll of female colleagues and it has emerged that men in skinny jeans are a no no. They’re fine when you’re a teenager, because at that point you’re thin enough not to feel threatened by men with skinnier legs than you, but by the time you get to my age, the sight of men in skinny jeans can be just too intimidating. I mean who wants to go out with a man who has shaplier legs than you do?
Thursday
AM. You know you’re avoiding work when… you try various stationery equipment to find something that will wedge perfectly in the gap between your boobs. Heather’s jumbo stapler fit the bill nicely.
PM. Hector has come out all guns blazing. He reckons skinny jeans are men’s way of getting us back for the whole Michelle Obama ultra-toned arms thingy. For centuries they have been happy in the fact that no matter how little working-out they do they will still always be able to beat even the most Fatima Whitbred of women in an arm wrestle. However, now that women are pumping some serious iron it’s put pressure on men to start getting back in shape or risk getting an arse kicking from a girl. So they’re returning the favour by putting their lovely legs on display. Gits. So the upshot is if women agree to hang on to their batwings men will ditch the skinny jeans – somebody needs to broker some kind of peace deal on the issue.
Friday
AM. You know you’re avoiding work when… you ring your fiancé to inform him of random things that would put you off getting married. So at least now Owen knows that there is no chance of us tying the knot if he ever comes home wearing skinny jeans.
PM. Owen late for dinner this evening – he says he’s just popping into Top Man to return an item he bought in the sales, must be a dodgy tie or something.
