Archive for September, 2009

Please Help Me, Toilet Humour and Porn

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

While the turn out at the meeting was high, we were quite short on the ground for ladies when it came to the reading.  Sad really, as this was a rare occasion when we actually had roles for them (as a male dominated group, female characters only seem to rear their head to provide a companion to the males in the script.)

Anyway, our main feature tonight came curtsey of Martin Price and Lawrence Scholey, their script entitled Please Help Me saw a group of flat mates throw a party.  Warmly received by the group for its humour and creative events, there was of course plenty of ideas for improvement. Although the script flowed quite nicely, many considered it to be a series of sketches rather than coherent plot. A slave to the devices, the script failed to set up any of the events before they happened, this left audience surprised, but missed out on the trick of building anticipation.  The idea of throwing a party although a fine idea does not work for a pilot or spec script.  Since a party involves so many people it does not give a good idea of how the series would play out, we don’t know who are the regular characters, and who are just around for that episode. The originality of the idea was also questioned, it is well known that every writer has a flat share script in their back pocket, right next to their heaven and hell script, there would have to be something special in that script to make it stand out in the crowd. Being Human after a year in development solved this problem by making one character a werewolf, one a ghost and the other a vampire.

As writers we will often draw on our own life experience when writing a script, the mistake we often make is to take just the events and characters that we fondly (or not) remember and forget the emotion behind it.  We hide our deeper feelings behind the visual, but it is that emotion which makes real characters that the audience connects with.  Inside we share many of the same vulnerabilities and fears and we can sympathise when we get to see it in others. Since Please Help Me was based on many real life experiences it could have benefited from revealing a little more depth and brutal honesty in the characters.

Sketch wise we had The Flush by Mark Leeson a charming piece of character interaction on the serious matter of phone etiquette. The visuals needed Porn Sketch by yours truly brought up interesting debate, but from my point of view the visual nature of the sketch could not be captured in a reading, so I am still not sure the best way display what I believe is a very strong idea.

ComComedy had a weekend full of filming, a series of office sketches were produced using material supplied by members of the group and call has been put out for sketches based in a park.  You can find more details on ComComedy here.

Right, back to writing for me now. Until next time.

The First 10 Pages

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

The first 10 pages of the script are the most important, here you have to introduce your characters, your world and hook the reader by not making it feel all expositiony.  When dealing with an ensemble piece like I am the temptation was to start the script with a cluster fuck of characters, ram a whole bunch of info in the audiences face as soon as possible and throw in a few jokes to hide it. So when I read it back, I’m happy, “look at that,” I say. “9 characters introduced in 5 pages”. The problem is, having lived with these characters for almost a year, I know them very well, but the audience isn’t so lucky. There is too much info for the audience to pick up on, plus I also needed to start the story.

Back to the drawing board and on the advice of my co-writers I started to construct a new opening that focused on a couple of character journeys.  First the new girl, since she is fresh on the scene she has a little more to learn, so she can guide us into the world before a more experienced character takes the reigns and kicks it up a notch.  Around page 10 the first act ends with shocking news which has a knock on effect for the rest of the story.

It is not quite there yet and still needs work, this current draft plays host to the 8th incarnation of the first 10 pages and there is a good chance there will be a fair few more before we settle on something that is clever, informative, funny and engaging. I still suspect that there is too much going on, too many characters and not enough focus, there are darlings that need to be murdered, but we are close.

The first 10 pages can be a bitch, interestingly endings can also be a bitch and the middle, well that has its own problems.

Roll on Draft 4.

Sketchageddon III

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Well it has been quite the exhausting couple of days, not too much sleep and stressful days, but duty says I have to comment on our last meeting or this blog is a bit pointless..

Sketchageddon III was yet another mighty success for the London Comedy Writers, at least when I remembered to cast the scripts. Whoops.  Anyway, lets see what we had.

Acceptable Discrimination?, Body Harvest, and Big Issue by Gareth Moore, – The winner of last months blog contest hit the floor running three sketches, general consensus was tighten them at the top… except the last one which at 3 lines was short enough.  Debate rages about whether you can still take the piss out of ginger people.

The Art of Wally by Olly Allsopp, – Equally well received and with one person even commenting that it was one of the finest Wally based sketches he had ever heard.

The Present by Sally Ingrey, – Not so much a sketch, but scene from a film, wonderful dialogue, interesting characters.

Owning a Break-up and Carbs and Bombs by Ahmed III – The first sketch pulled an excellent slight of hand on the audience, while the second one that paired an airhead and a suicide bomber had an interesting mix emotions, but ultimately very funny.

I Was Also Thinking of Writing a Script by Anon II – In response to last week’s anonymous script, another was submitted, a fantastically funny homage to the original.  If only we knew who were writing these… maybe it was the same person….

Absolute Weakest Link by Luke Llyons, Class Conscious by Jeremy Davies and John’s last minute submission were all well received, however all suffered from similar ideas being done before.  This lead to an interesting debate about the originality of characters and ideas, or whether once they are performed, even be it over 20 years ago can  no one else go there? Deliberate or not.

The Lamb and Lion by Douglas Hooker – again this was less a sketch and more a scene from something larger, there were nice moments, but ultimately most felt that this was character exploration for the writer rather than a story.

Cuba Libre by Sally Sheringham – Two men in Cuba, this script had some great moments, although as is quite often the case, was over written at the start and the ending didn’t quite work. Some thought it would be better to explore a longer version, perhaps a feature film.

Middle Earth and Drone Controllers by Joel Soetendorp – Two short nicely written if somewhat surreal pieces, great take on the military and Middle Earth.

Finally Matthew Jessee presented the first of what I hope will be many webisodes from the group.  Sadly by the time we got round to this everyone was tired, while we are normally done by about 9.30, in an effort to get everyone’s sketches in we had over run and it was nearing 10.15.  The energy had left the room and reading came out oddly flat. Comments were fairly positive although the script still held too close to a scene from a sitcom rather than a single self contained story. Since the script Desperate was originally written as sitcom, it now needs a lot of changes to make it work in significantly different medium.  This means cutting down on locations, telling smaller stories and focusing mainly on a single character.

Well that is all for now. At some point when I have processed my thoughts I will comment on my Fourth Plinth disaster, and thank you to all those who offered such kind words of support. Like they say, life goes on and it doesn’t matter how you fall, but how you pick yourself back up.

Procrastination – A Masterclass

Monday, September 7th, 2009

One of the hardest things about writing is actually sitting down to write.  At times I feel this blog should be re-named “Graham Does Procrastination”.  Anyway other not getting much done, today I discovered that procrastination can actually get you into a world of trouble.

I was browsing through Facebook, one of the world’s most common and basic procrastination techniques when I stumbled upon a message from a friend, saying that one his friends was going to be appearing on the fourth plinth as part of Anthony Gormley’s One and Other project. That sounds like a laugh I thought and so signed up thinking that with little more than a month left I would have little chance of getting randomly picked by the magic computer.  Excellent I thought, 5 minutes wasted, that is some quality procrastination. Then the phone rang. ‘That’s odd.’ I thought, no one calls me.

Me: Hello.

Abi: Hello, is the Graham Trefler?

Me: Trelfer, yes.

Abi: I’m calling from the One and Other project and we would like to offer you a place on the fourth plinth… on Wednesday.

Me: This Wednesday.

Abi: Yes, someone dropped out at the last minute.

So with 48 hours before I ascend the fourth plinth I have no idea what I am going to do. So rather than continuing to finish the script, the brain trust and I must brain out something reasonably awesome, inspiring, amusing and not as pointless as the girl we watched having a party by herself.

So there you have it, 5 minutes of procrastination has been spread out to three days.

Any ideas of what you would like to see on the plinth please let me know.

The Commuters and other anonymous adventures

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

Packed house for this London Comedy Writers meeting and for good reason.  A new dawn is indeed dawning, but I will get on to that in a bit.

The main feature saw Jeremy Davies return with a new version of his script “The Commuters”. When originally read in the group 2 years ago the idea got the thumbs up for a great idea, but there was criticism that it didn’t use the setting to its full potential.  The audience was desperate to see their experiences immortalised in script form, but felt these opportunities had been missed. So what good has 2 years done?  Well the version read out tonight was a cut down version for the Sitcom Trials and although Jeremy had planned to extend and tighten the deadline came around much quicker than he expected and was forced to hand over the script as was.  The result was a script that was not too dissimilar from the last. Again the majority saw the promise and the possibilities in the idea and credited some of the comic characters such as the happy train driver and gossiping ticket inspectors.  Jeremy himself admits it may be time to bring on a co-writer to help formulate the idea further and give himself more time.  Send me a message if you are interested.  Or you can swing by Jeremy’s blog “The Happy Commuter”.

Controversy followed after the break with a sketch entitled “I thinking of writing a script”, anonymously submitted.  Well I say anonymous, but that is my fault because after the sketch was submitted the author wasn’t sure if it should go in.  I maintained it should and so I forced it in under the protection of anonymity.  Although slightly mental towards the end the script tapped into ideas that many members of the group have considered writing themselves. Like schools or workplaces the London Comedy Writers is full of characters, some crazy, some withdrawn, some opinionated and some just wrong. Anonymous may have opened the doors to something.  Already lined up for next week’s Sketchageddon is another anonymously submitted script “I was also thinking of writing a script.”

We also had the announcement of a partnership with ComComedy and London Comedy Writers.  You can read more about that here and I will discuss it more next week.


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