Script « Graham Does Writing

Posts Tagged ‘Script’

The First 10 Pages

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

The first 10 pages of the script are the most important, here you have to introduce your characters, your world and hook the reader by not making it feel all expositiony. When dealing with an ensemble piece like I am the temptation was to start the script with a cluster fuck of characters, ram a whole bunch of info in the audiences face as soon as possible and throw in a few jokes to hide it. So when I read it back, I’m happy, “look at that,” I say. “9 characters introduced in 5 pages”. The problem is, having lived with these characters for almost a year, I know them very well, but the audience isn’t so lucky. There is too much info for the audience to pick up on, plus I also needed to start the story.

Back to the drawing board and on the advice of my co-writers I started to construct a new opening that focused on a couple of character journeys. First the new girl, since she is fresh on the scene she has a little more to learn, so she can guide us into the world before a more experienced character takes the reigns and kicks it up a notch. Around page 10 the first act ends with shocking news which has a knock on effect for the rest of the story.

It is not quite there yet and still needs work, this current draft plays host to the 8^th incarnation of the first 10 pages and there is a good chance there will be a fair few more before we settle on something that is clever, informative, funny and engaging. I still suspect that there is too much going on, too many characters and not enough focus, there are darlings that need to be murdered, but we are close.

The first 10 pages can be a bitch, interestingly endings can also be a bitch and the middle, well that has its own problems.

Roll on Draft 4.

Tags: feedback, process, Script, writing, writing partners
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Sketchageddon III

Friday, September 11th, 2009

Well it has been quite the exhausting couple of days, not too much sleep and stressful days, but duty says I have to comment on our last meeting or this blog is a bit pointless..

Sketchageddon III was yet another mighty success for the London Comedy Writers, at least when I remembered to cast the scripts. Whoops. Anyway, lets see what we had.

Acceptable Discrimination?, Body Harvest, and Big Issue by Gareth Moore, – The winner of last months blog contest hit the floor running three sketches, general consensus was tighten them at the top… except the last one which at 3 lines was short enough. Debate rages about whether you can still take the piss out of ginger people.

The Art of Wally by Olly Allsopp, – Equally well received and with one person even commenting that it was one of the finest Wally based sketches he had ever heard.

The Present by Sally Ingrey, – Not so much a sketch, but scene from a film, wonderful dialogue, interesting characters.

Owning a Break-up and Carbs and Bombs by Ahmed III – The first sketch pulled an excellent slight of hand on the audience, while the second one that paired an airhead and a suicide bomber had an interesting mix emotions, but ultimately very funny.

I Was Also Thinking of Writing a Script by Anon II – In response to last week’s anonymous script, another was submitted, a fantastically funny homage to the original. If only we knew who were writing these… maybe it was the same person….

Absolute Weakest Link by Luke Llyons, Class Conscious by Jeremy Davies and John’s last minute submission were all well received, however all suffered from similar ideas being done before. This lead to an interesting debate about the originality of characters and ideas, or whether once they are performed, even be it over 20 years ago can no one else go there? Deliberate or not.

The Lamb and Lion by Douglas Hooker – again this was less a sketch and more a scene from something larger, there were nice moments, but ultimately most felt that this was character exploration for the writer rather than a story.

Cuba Libre by Sally Sheringham – Two men in Cuba, this script had some great moments, although as is quite often the case, was over written at the start and the ending didn’t quite work. Some thought it would be better to explore a longer version, perhaps a feature film.

Middle Earth and Drone Controllers by Joel Soetendorp – Two short nicely written if somewhat surreal pieces, great take on the military and Middle Earth.

Finally Matthew Jessee presented the first of what I hope will be many webisodes from the group. Sadly by the time we got round to this everyone was tired, while we are normally done by about 9.30, in an effort to get everyone’s sketches in we had over run and it was nearing 10.15. The energy had left the room and reading came out oddly flat. Comments were fairly positive although the script still held too close to a scene from a sitcom rather than a single self contained story. Since the script Desperate was originally written as sitcom, it now needs a lot of changes to make it work in significantly different medium. This means cutting down on locations, telling smaller stories and focusing mainly on a single character.

Well that is all for now. At some point when I have processed my thoughts I will comment on my Fourth Plinth disaster, and thank you to all those who offered such kind words of support. Like they say, life goes on and it doesn’t matter how you fall, but how you pick yourself back up.

Tags: feedback, london comedy writers, meeting, Script, sketch, webisode, writing
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Feedback received – thank you very much

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

Lest my last comments stand alone as testament to my frustrations, I thought I better update with the results of said feedback.

As it happened we both had the same concerns, although the solutions differed somewhat. My instant reaction was to cut the first half of the script, but writing partner, script reader and all round wheat intolerant demi God said, “no, refocus on this character.” Oh, it makes sense when you say it, but this character was hardly in the storylines, so I blame that, rather than myself. This character is the audience’s eyes and we want people to discover our world through her.

Great I can finally get back to work, but the play station is looking at me. Damn it, it is much easier to procrastinate when you can blame it someone else. So now I am off to the park with a print out to look at this character’s journey to see what I can do to make it more interesting.

Tags: character, feedback, procrastination, Script, writing, writing partners
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Waiting for Feedback – The problem with writing partners

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

So you slave on writing a draft and hand it over to your writing partners for feedback. The next day I get the thumbs up and thumbs down on a selection of first draft jokes – I’m sure it would have been more in depth but performance and a holiday got in the way for more detailed feedback. But hey, that’s why we have three of us… oh, she didn’t get the script and is living it up in Bristol. Damn it! I need to write. My fingers are itching and for once I’m not looking up from my laptop towards my Playstation, but up from Playstation towards my laptop.

So here in lies the problem with writing partners. You rely on them. Sure there are lots of good things about writing with others and I promise I will get to those eventually, maybe even by the end of this blog. But right now all I need is someone to say “right track there buddy” or “abort abort” and no one is around.

I am alone in the wilderness. My concern (not really a concern, more of a suspicion) is that the first 50% of the script goes nowhere fast. It is lots of great character stuff, the odd joke and more character stuff. It is not my fault the substance seems to be missing I used the storylines we slaved over for months and months. You know if this was my script, that I had toiled with for months I would have no problem scrapping huge chunks to drive the story, but damn it, those storylines are there for a reason and I can’t just abandon them. If I do when they finally read the script they will say…

“but what happened to xyz”.

To which I will reply “oh, you have to kill your darlings.”

To which they will reply, “but xyz”

To which I will reply “You should have a read the damn thing.”

Then we will fist fight till dawn.

The script is now being read, so stress over… at least until I hear the feedback I have been dreading – “right track there buddy” or “abort abort”.

Tags: critic, feedback, process, Script, writing, writing partners
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Blames Direct

Friday, August 14th, 2009

This week at the London Comedy Writers Alex Howley returned with another episode of his animated sitcom. This proved to be a unique experience because it was quite obvious that he had taken onboard all the feedback from his last reading at the beginning of the year. So was he successful?

I say it many times, but if you can get a laugh out of room full of writers you are doing good and let’s just say there were plenty of laughs. One of Alex’s strongest attributes is his writing style and his unique voice. I can point to nothing like it and this is a definite bonus.

A problem with readings is that any stage directions can kill a script. It is not that they shouldn’t be there, but in a reading they should be looked at to see if they are all really needed. Alex suffered from this in his last reading and so in this script he weighted it much more heavily on dialogue. The response from the group is that he went too far in that direction and didn’t take advantage of visual opportunities that animation provides.

Last time the plot was all over the place, loads of things going on and tons of characters, so this time Alex focused the script on one simple story and again there was the feeling he went too far in that direction. The lack of a sub plot meant that characters spent too much time discussing what was going rather than doing it (Like in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) and a favourite character from the last reading was left in the wings.

Another interesting point was the name calling, the running joke in the show got big laughs in the first half but died off in the second. There was debate whether name calling got less funny or we just got bored of the joke. It was decided we got bored of the joke and that it should be used less liberally.

All in all a great night as we set the record for the most “Twats” in a single script (58 in total). Alex being an animator himself has plans to make a pilot at some point in the future. You can see some of his animation below.

Quote of the night: “I loved the Judge Dredd joke… and that was about it.” (meant as a compliment)

Tags: critic, london comedy writers, meeting, review, Script
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Procrastination

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

The hardest thing about writing can sometimes be actually writing. That’s the reason anyone who has written a script gets a slap on back for doing so by those who have not. However just because you have splurged onto the page does not mean it’s going to be good. So on top of the patience you need to write a script, you also need the dedication to do all research and story-lining first.

This brings me to procrastination. As you know (if you read my other posts) I write with 2 other people and at this stage of the writing we have separated to write different episodes. I say separated, but we still meet up to write and yesterday I was reminded why. With one partner having to work to pay bills, the other two of us were planning to meet up. But due to issues with showers and plans for the evening this fell through and we were to write on our own. Suddenly I had no reason to venture out my bedroom. No one asking me “how it was going” and all those little jobs like fixing the bin lid and watering the tomatoes became very important. 6 hours later I realised that I had done no work, I looked at my computer screen and couldn’t even read the first line before jumping on the net to check e-mails and the latest news on Obama’s health care plan.

That was it. I already knew my evening would be taken up the London Comedy Writers and so I grabbed a print out of my script packed a bag and headed down to London Bridge where I found a nice spot by the river and worked without distraction.

I obviously can’t be trusted to work at home alone and no matter how far I think I have come in these last 8 months without someone watching over my shoulder I still find very hard to focus on what I need to do.

Anyway a special shout out to Jude who took sympathy on me when my pen ran out and gave me a new one. Had it not been for that pinked hair angel my efforts to get out the house and write would have been scrapped before they really got underway.

Tags: process, procrastination, Script, writing
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It’s all about character

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

I read the first draft of what is surely going to be a script subjected to an intense bidding war. 6 pages too long, crammed with on the nose dialouge and the feeling that there are way too many “fucks” for a pre-watershed sitcom. That said, I was not bored reading it, but I do have notes… lots and lots of notes. Draft 1.2 is in the works now with each scene receiving suitable scrutiny.

How did we get so far.

The fact is you are walking in at the end of an 8 month process. Almost like a dinner guest watching me drop the parsley on a finished dish. You don’t know the hours slaved away in the kitchen mixing spices through trial and error to find that perfect blend.

So here we flashback to the early days in the process. It was late last year, the markets were crashing as moved quickly towards the recession, America was in a fierce one sided battle for the presidency and I was out of work. My writing partners and I were looking at maybe 4 months to write the next big sitcom… This would be the first of every deadline we set and missed.

We all ready had a setting… lets say it was a school (it isn’t, but the setting is a closely guarded secret and I want to share without giving too much away). So now we need to populate our world with characters, different characters. We want all our characters to have different voices, see things differently and solve things differently. Confronted by a mugger one character might hand over the their wallet, another might run away, another might fall to the floor weeping like a child, basically not every character would do what I would do (Go Jackie Chan on their ass). So with a list of characters we then explore them, who are they, where did they come from, what do they want and how will they get it. 2 months later we had 6 Characters maps and 6 in depth biogs — One of our characters got it on with a rugby player at university and another collected PG tips trading cards; the audience will never know this, but we do. We were ready for the next stage… although at some point down the line biogs and maps were going to rear their ugly head once more.

Tags: character, process, Script, writing
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Strictly Business

Friday, July 31st, 2009

Andy Flood presented his script ‘Strictly Business’ this week and by all accounts it was a very successful read. The actors threw their all in and the writers who normally sit with an expression akin to ‘Make me laugh, bitch’ actually did laugh. At the end of the night it was credited as one of the best scripts we have ever had read, but Tristan says that every week… he also says we can’t use brand names and that we will never get the rights to have “We are the Champions” as our opening theme tune.

The Good: First a foremost it was a funny script and the laughs came more often from character rather than ‘set-ups and punchlines’. Everyone raved about a scene set in a post credit crunch bank while the bold frankness of a young Tory businessman and a no nonsense teacher provided much merriment. The story was simple, so no one was confused over who was who and what was what.

The bad: This mostly comes from my point of view because I am just more opinionated and hardened from all these readings, but hopefully I am fair. While it was great that the comedy did come character, most laughs came from the 2 one dimensional stereotypes mentioned above. the other 2 character were a little flat in comparison as they were just bullied by these other oppressive oafs. We want to see more of the characters’ wants and needs and why they are with the people they are with. There was a virtually unanimous opinion that the opening was too slow and that we needed to get right into the action (moving the bank scene to the top would not only land a solid comic punch, but also set up the story). Stage directions were too frequent, if one character tells another character to “sit down” I will infer that the character will sit down, I don’t need it in a stage direction. Heavy stage directions in a reading can really kill pace and while this is certainly not the worst offender I have, it certainly didn’t help when actors tried to jump in before a stage direction was read. In the end it was light and enjoyable, but lacked real threat and tension, but there is defiantly an idea there that will be teased out in future drafts.

Finally: Andy burnt through a notebook and 2 pens with notes and while this might sound bad, this is actually good. I find that people have more to say about scripts liked than scripts they hated. With a mercifully small cast (4 main characters and 2 guest spots) this would be easy to film.

Good night.

Tags: bad, critic, good, london comedy writers, meeting, review, Script
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